Observations From My Travels
I recently came back from our yearly convention for my online travel business. I landed in Atlanta and had to change terminals so I had to get on one of those trains than runs between the terminals in larger airports. So on I get suitcase in tow. The train was quite full. I managed to squirm my way to the back where there were some seats. Now I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, we were always taught to give up our seats for an older person. I grabbed the pole as the train lurched forward and noticed the sign above the seats which read ” Please vacate your seat for an elderly or disabled person” well first of all…” WTF”? you need a sign to tell you that..isn’t that what parents are for? So, I stood and watched the young mom and dad with their two tweens just sit and stare and say nothing. By the way, I was not the only “older’ person standing on the train. I waited for the mom or dad to nudge their kids or to perhaps even get up themselves to offer me a seat. Never happened, in fact they seemed completely oblivious to anyone but themselves. Perhaps I need to wear my disabled car placard around my neck like I hang it around the rear view mirror when I park in the disabled space as it seems being older has no merit, I wonder if they would have stood for me then? As my journey progressed I noticed that this seemed to be the trend. During my trip, I was in four airports and on four trains and never once did I see a young person give up their seat for an older person.
What type of kids are we raising that are not even aware of what they are doing (or in this case NOT doing?) ? They don’t “see” what is right in front of them? It makes me sad that these children may grow into adults who are completely complacent to the needs and feelings of others. I have always taught my kids this and am fortunate to have two very well mannered and considerate children.. As parents we should be teaching our children so much more than how to tie a shoelace or eat with a knife and fork (which by the way, is something else parents are NOT doing but don’t even get me started on table manners)
Has this been your experience? Do today’s children seem to be a bit out of touch, lacking in not only manners but in how to treat the people around them? Your thoughts?
Julie is an online travel agent with a full service travel booking engine . She also offers other travel related options such as “Tickets Now” Vacation Clothing, as well as specialized vacations like Romance Vacations and Golfing and Spa Trips. She specializes in “vacations for the more seasoned traveler” Please visit her website for more information
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I was taught this as well, and I’ve offered my seat to others, but I haven’t seen it often from others, it’s true. As for those signs, they’ve been around as long as I can remember – on all sorts of transportation. In general, society seems ruder and angrier, not just kids but adults (and of course, who do the kids learn from?) People are also buried in their phones and laptops and don’t pay much attention to people around them, making it all the harder to encourage kindness. As for someone offering me a seat, I would be just as happy if they don’t think I’m old enough to need one!!
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
Judy took the words right out of my mouth — it’s not just kids who are rude and oblivious — it seems to be the general tenor of our society (sadly). I think the only thing to do is lead by example. If you are able bodied, give up your seat — someone might notice and do likewise. and if you are elderly or disabled and no one offers a seat, gently ask a seated passenger to trade places. Hold open doors for others and offer to help when the situation arises. If more of us started accentuating good behavior and good manners, maybe others will join in.
Heidi & Atticus
http://www.atticusuncensored.com
“commentary to give you paws…”
For me, it wasn’t so much that I wanted to sit,( I am capable of standing on a moving train right now…might not be the case in 10 years) But it was more of me, wanting them to “offer” me the seat, i might have chosen not to take it. It was the very fact that were completely unaware of me, or any other of the passengers ..That is what bothered me the most….. I think I could have been standing there with a walking stick and a white stick and they stick would not have even noticed me.
Manners are a dying art.. All we can do is be responsible for teaching our children how to behave properly. I stopped wondering why others don’t act with the same politeness I was raised with because it just causes frustration on my part. I’m with you though…I’ll be opening doors and giving up my seat to those older (much older so as not to insult) or handicapped.
Darcie
Devoted to finding all things delicious.
http://www.discoveringdelicious.com
Yes, I too, was taught this. Some of my grandkids are very thoughtful and sweet toward older people. In general, I don’t see it out in the world. My friends kids have taught this too, but sometimes I see people being too concerned with their own comfort to care about others. I wonder what the response would have been if you had asked if you could have a seat because it is hard for you to stand. That might be an interesting experiment. I’d love to think that some people are in a fog or lost in thought and didn’t realize someone else needs to sit. There I go wanting a utopian world!
Julieanne Case
Always from the heart!
Blog: http://www.julieannecasefromtheheart.com
Reconnecting you to your essence, joy, vitality, youth.| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | AgeLoc Skin Care
http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com
This is so sad to read and discouraging…I long for the return of teaching manners to our children, not only in the home, but at school too. I remember learning about table manners in kindergarten! Not sure where everything got so off track, but I think I have to blame it on my generation which became so self-involved and “me, me, me” during and after the Viet Nam war. I think it is true that so many people today just don’t even think about basic manners — have never learned, it just is not in their heads. Very disappointing. But I also know there are still a lot of good kids and thoughtful adults out there (hopefully including my own family!) that can set good examples and teach their own families. I wish the public schools would get on the bandwagon too! then maybe the kids could help teach their parents!
Manners are a dying art form, I have often thought that I needed a class on table manners! People these days are so caught up in their own worlds that they don’t stop to think of those around them. I have given up my seat to someone older or pregnant, but most people don’t. A couple of months ago I was with a group of girlfriends at a restaurant and we were waiting for a table. One of my friends was/is pregnant and she was tired from our afternoon of shopping so she took a seat at the bar and we were just standing around her chatting. Two girls in their 20′s came up, rudely told her to get up because they needed the seat since they would be eating at the bar and paying for food. I tried to ask them to just move down the bar area some because there were seats available, but they apparently had to have that particular seat. Just a frustrating experience because these girls were not going to listen anything anyone had to say. I just stepped away from the situation so that I could avoid and altercation with them. Parents need to instill manners, communication skills and general kindness into children!
Jaspreet Mundeir, ND
http://www.suratnaturopathic.com
Yes I think it’s changed over the years and one thing I find hard is that I really try to teach my kids table manners but when none of their friends have any it’s difficult. I’m sending them to Cotillion next year for a dose of etiquette and manners
But to be honest Julie if those teenagers had offered me a seat I would have been a bit upset that they thought I was old enough lol!
Louise Edington
Fabulous and Fearless
http://louiseedington.com
I like Heidi and Atticus’s suggestion of modelling the behavior we’d like to see in others. It could be contageous.
(and even if it isn’t, we get that little self-satisfied ego stroke on knowing at least WE have manners)
I hear ya woman! I had a 50+ year old man tell me yesterday that he is frightened for the future of our country because kids these days are being reared to simply be brain-dead idiots. I thought that was a bit harsh, especially as I am rearing two 5 year olds! However, I get where he’s coming from, the same place you’re talking about it, what’s going on with today’s parents not passing on some of these basic manners and respect, and EMPATHY!? It is a bit scary that lack of empathy that I’m seeing in small children today.
I think part of our problem is that there is so much less personal contact these days, everything is technology driven. I’m trying very hard to keep the technology down in our household and we harp on manners, respect, and empathy – regularly.
Lisa Vitale, Mompreneur
http://lisawifemom.wordpress.com
I’d have to dig out old psychology texts, but I wonder if the “Kitty Genovese” theory would apply in this type of situation as well. The basics are that if you need assistance, you’re more likely to get it in the middle of nowhere than a busy place. Kitty was attacked and killed while an apartment building full of people watched. Because they could all see each other, everyone assumed that someone else would make the call… no one called. The same could maybe said for the train… everyone thought someone else would offer and then when no one did, the trip was almost over. That said, I used to have an overall belief that today’s youth weren’t of the caliber of even when I was a teen not too too long ago (and we weren’t that great overall, so this is sad). But the other day, my husband had a knock on the door. A teen boy had been boarding down our street and noticed his truck door wide open. Hubby had carried in a sleeping baby and was just returning outside to get the rest of the stuff out of the car. The teen wanted to be sure we knew so that nothing got stolen. Sadly, this surprised me. I think there are still people teaching manners, but people are always “busy,” not paying attention, in kids it might not be “cool” to do something like that in front of friends. And some people just suck.
I hear you, Julie. This is one of my pet peeves as well. I see it all the time whenever I travel on public transportation. But all is not lost. First I must say that neither of us looks like senior citizens or as old as we are! My husband and I were on the subway in NY and it was rush hour – very crowded. I quietly mentioned to him that I was going to have difficulty standing for as long as it was going to take us to get to whee we were going. A nice young man must have overheard me as he stood and offered me his seat. So, all hope is not lost. But I do agree that some parents are not teaching their children every day common courtesy. And it’s a shame.
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://www.susan-berland.com
I have noticed an increase in self-centeredness which results in things like not noticing that someone needs a seat more than you. I try to notice when people act with politeness and kindness and compliment and thank them. When I do this, I feel a little less disappointed in the world at large.
I’m surprised no one moved…perhaps you just look too good – LOL! I was definitely taught to give up seats and open doors and all the typical manners that parents teach kids…As far as I know they’re still being taught and in my work with adults and kids what I see would reinforce that. Maybe everyone was just being “brain-dead” and in travel mode which at times can be like “elevator mode” where you stare off and zone as you move through the airport. If it has been my tween, they would have been nudged out of their seat!
Brandy
Who is really at fault?? Shame on the parents! We need to model such actions for our children, so they do it. If I was sitting next to my son and an elderly person came on, I would tell him to get up. He would do it and learn from it. Hopefully, the response of the person getting the seat would not be one of entitlement, but of appreciation.
As parents we have to teach manners to our kids and hope it “spreads.” I have to agree with Heidi & Judy, though — if anyone offers me their seat I’m going to be quite offended!
Trish
http://www.robertssister.com
caregiving. family. advocacy.
Love this article! When I lived in NYC I noticed this more than I do here since I drive most of the time. In NY I was on the trains and buses and I was amazed at the lack of manners that the kids of today have and the adults. I would watch a person who is pregnant, elderly, limping, etc and no one would get up. They would just stare and think whatever thoughts they are thinking.
Luckily on occasion I would see a few kids or adults get up or I would get up. It was just crazy. I mean it really does stem from the upbringing of the child/adult. It’s the influence we have in our lives. If we don’t model it for the youth then what?!!!
The sad thing it is passed on from generation to generation so definitely all we can do is model what we can and hope to influence the youth who is not getting it at home.
Thanks for writing this!
xoxo
Alara
It is a shame to see so little manners now a days. When my teenager was younger, he would open doors for people and they were shocked to see a 10yr old doing that. Even now he still does it. It’s also a shame when people don’t say “thank you” when he does it.
The one that really bothers me is when people get into an elevator and they pretend not to see you coming and don’t wait a moment for you. Then you’re stuck waiting for it to come back down. Or when they push into the elevator instead of scooting to the side to let you out first.
Bad manners is probably my biggest pet peeve. But I see a lot of parents setting the bad example and not correcting their kids when they behave poorly.
I was smiling as I read this as it would never enter my mind that someone should stand up and offer me a seat. I don’t expect it and so it doesn’t happen. It’s been my experience that younger people always stand up for those obviously in need, with a stick or visibly advanced in age. I often stand up for people needing a seat if I use public transport as I consider myself very able-bodied and am intending to do that for many years to come.
I taught my kids to do this for others but now it is up to them whether or not they do it. My part is over. And I will never judge them for what they do or don’t do.
It’s never about other people. It’s only about me. And if I am at peace with what I do and think, that’s all that matters.
Fiona Stolze
Inspired Art and Living
http://fionastolze.com
Love your response Fiona. For me it was not about them offering me the seat. I am capable of standing (for now anyway..might be different in 10 years) but for me it was the fact that people just seem to be completely oblivious to those around them and this concerns me. How can we grow as a society if no one really gives a $%#@ about anyone else. What will we be in 20 years? 100 years? If parents are not instilling basic human decency and manners in their children, how will they in turn do the same for their kids. What will the average person be like in the future? This was the thought process behind my post
Thanks for your honest response
Thanks for responding Julie. Further thoughts on this? I love my kids but don’t concern myself with how they will deal with their kids. It’s not heartless. I simply do my best in the now for me . I like to stay present in all that I do. Personally I cannot make the assumption that parents are not instilling basic human decency and manners in their kids just because I see kids behaving in a particular way. I teach what I hold to be of value but have no control over how my kids choose to behave in public. Society will continue to grow regardless, but maybe not in the way we expect it to. I’m always wary when too many ‘should’s’ come into the equation. I feel that I can only bring about change by being that change myself and not expecting it from others.
And I love that we have different opinions here because there is never a right and wrong in any discussion.
This is something that I ask myself almost daily. From kids to adults, you just don’t see people being polite and having manners. People never say please or thank you. I always hear “can you do….”
It’s never “could you please….” It really bugs me. When it comes to kids it’s not really their fault. I always say where there’s rude kids, there’s rude parents.
Hi Julie,
Thanks for this fired-up post. I hear ya, as they say, but I’m puzzled. We’re living in a world that host to dozens of atrocities every day. Yes, I’m in complete agreement that everyone needs to learn the blessings of being considerate and compassionate. But how can you get all worked up about one able-bodied person not giving up his seat to another able-bodied person?
I agree, lessons in manners can help all of us act more civilized and get along better — maybe that’s your point after all. If I were writing your blog post, though, I’d cite those bozos in Congress, may they all be voted out of office decisively! As a lesson to the next bunch of “statesmen”.
Robbie
Hi Julie
Thanks for the post, and friendly reminder. I think sometimes when we are out in public, we’re so focused on not intruding on others personal space, that oftentimes we may miss when someone might need our help.
I can definitely feel your passion, and I would hope that if someone had spoke to the couple and then young individuals they would have graciously moved. (One can hope that there is good in everyone). Your post inspired me to be a little more aware to my surroundings while running errands, and encountered three elderly women who I held the door open, carried a package, and offered a seat.
Jennifer Lynn Yu