✴️ The Most Overlooked Way to Feel FierceOver50 ✴️
My Dear, FierceOver50 One,
The new year, 2022, begins the day after tomorrow. Perhaps what I offer in this newsletter will offer something special for this coming year. Here we go!
Exhausted Achievers tend to be loners. Is this you?
When I was in my exhausted achiever heyday, around age 50, I had very little time for friends. I was a loner by choice and by circumstance.
Instead I was hauling myself out of bed, getting the kids out the door, quick kiss for the hubs, and then rocking my "to do" list. If I did get together with friends, it was mostly to complain about our husbands, kids, or parents and generally how stressed we were. We might meet at the gym or for a glass of wine, but it was all part of my exhausted achiever life style.
I pretended to be fierce. But I knew in my heart that I didn't actually feel very fierce. How I really felt? Well I'll use this word: flattened.
But what does the science say about releasing stress from our bodies and our lives?
Most of us know we are stuck in "fight and flight" -- a constant state of panic.
Before COVID, I used to literally panic at the thought of losing my I-Phone. When I didn't know where it was, I did a little gasp and and a dance and asked out loud, "Where is my phone?" Now that I'm indoors so much more often, this response has softened a little.
Being stuck in "fight and flight" accelarates aging -- big time! Dr. Sara Gottfriend says being stuck in panic mode can move us ahead by about 10 years. Who needs that?
So what's the alternative?
When something stressful happens, we need the skills and ability to shake it off and calm our nervous system through a strategy called "Tend and Befriend."
"Tend and Befriend' invites the calming hormone called oxytocin that shows up when you create a positive atmosphere by surrounding yourself with caring women. And, tending and befriending, by staying connected to women in positive situations helps your Vagus nerve to calm your nervous system.
The most overlooked way to let go of stress is to surround yourself with women who provide love and support around your intentions to let go of stress and heal.
Actress Amy Poehler puts it like this: "Find a group of [women] who challenge you and inspire you and spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life." FYI, I changed "people" to "women" to up the ante!
And now, even though the decades of my lonely achieving habits are over, I have to work really hard to build relationships with other women and put those relationships first.
On the first weekend of the COVID lockdown, I called a couple of women I knew in the neighborhood and suggested that we walk together outside on Saturday afternoons. The husbands came along, trailing behind us in their own little group. We have walked consistently now for almost two years and this connection has sustained us through thick and thin.
Have you done anything recently-- especially during these challenging times -- to build connections? I'd love to hear.
The biggest change in my relationships with other women -- building, sustaining, and savoring, my connections to #FierceOver50 women -- came in the way I approached my teaching and mentoring of women. I had been mostly offering group classes, workshops, and private sessions. But something was missing.
Women came to my classes. They appreciated my work and their bodies felt better. Workshops offered even more: a chance to explore a topic deeply and women loved the deep dives into, say, the impact of stress on their neck and shoulders. And in private sessions, over the course of many months, we focused on one specific issue and my clients learned how to better take care of themselves and improve their flexibility, mobility, and mindset.
But something was missing.
My #FierceOver50 Women were missing out on all the brilliance and support and growth that they could gain from being with each other.
Women supporting women just makes everything better. When we put our problem-solving minds together in a feeling-centered space, the magic overflows.
And that's why I started the #FierceOver50 Gathering. So that I could teach, but also, so that women could support each other. And we do. Our experience is so much richer when we gather together in live sessions and support each other. Yes, I'm talking directly to you here.
"Tending and Befriending" takes on a powerful new healing dimension when there are 10 exhausted achievers in the room working on similar issues. Could you use some of this connection and support?
Each woman supports each other and together our ships rise. We savor the connection sand we feel supported by the entire group.
If you'd like to talk about whether the #FierceOver50 Gathering is right for you, just click reply and we will set up a time to chat.
And in the meantime, please do look around at the support you have from other women. In addition to the #FierceOver50 Gathering, and my walking group, I have joined a few other online women's groups and am feeling and savoring all this support -- especially as we head into another, quite possibly challening winter. You know what I mean.
Please stay in touch!
Love and Gratitude,
AnnMerle
P.S. Have you downloaded the Hey Pelvis! Hello Hips! free mini-course that gives you a taste of breath and release in your precious hips and pelvis? Click here for the mini-course. Tip: Create a girlfriend date to do the practice!