FREQUENTLY
ASKED
QUESTIONS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY YOU FOCUS ON SELF-HEALING?

You might think it is a fine point, but I make an important distinction between a commitment to self-healing and engaging in self-care practices. In fact,

I think this distinction is crucial.

We live in our heads. (I lived in my head all my life.) Letting our minds lead the way has really worked well for us. Living in our heads seems to create motivation, productivity, and success.

Please remember that I said, “seems to.”

Living in our heads means that our bodies do what our heads tell our bodies to do. And that’s where the trouble starts.a

Self-healing, on the other hand, is a deep commitment to honing our intuition about what lessons our bodies hold for us.

But what does this mean and how can we learn it?

Shifting from relying on a self-care, fix-it, band aid to a consistent, habitual, slow-paced, self-healing inquiry is not simple or easy.

[This is why I founded the FierceOver50 Gathering, but more on that later, I’m sure.]

Hmmm……this is all about stress – the deeply embedded stress in our bodies. Over the decades we have worked, sat in chairs, met deadlines, raised kids, managed households, solved problems (and then there’s the big T Trauma that inevitably comes along).

This stress (the fear, the worry, the emphasis on pushing and controlling) becomes normalized and we think we are fine.

But our body’s life-sustaining resilience is slipping away.

Self-care practices like teacher-led yoga classes, going to the chiropractor, drinking wine each evening, eating for pleasure or to numb feelings, regular use of over-the-counter pain killers, watching a lot of television, shopping, exercise classes all might make you feel better.

But that soothing, feel-better feeling doesn’t last, because it hasn’t reached deep into your body and helped to soothe a nervous system stuck in fight or flight.

That soothing, feel-better feeling – especially in our over 50 bodies, highly stressed bodies – is, essentially our attempt to “fix” whatever is wrong. We have become convinced by the lifestyle information that surrounds us that a chiropractor adjusting our spine or a yoga class stretching our bodies will fix whatever is wrong.

I argue that we need to approach our worries, aches, and pains and long-term stress from a completely different perspective – a self-healing perspective.

We must learn how to breathe, move, and feel from inside our bodies, rather than from our heads directing our bodies.

I know this might sound strange, esoteric, and perhaps inaccessible, but it’s not. But it takes a bit of time and practice and a new sense of awareness.

Most important, it gives us a quite different sense of ownership of our bodies and our lives. It’s a very different feeling than the push-control-manage-fix-it strategies of our early years.

Perhaps the short version of an example from my life will help. In my late thirties, while pregnant with my second child, I suddenly started to feel increasingly painful electrical shocks on the left side of my face when I brushed my teeth, ate, or washed my face.

I saw a neurologist who diagnosed me with Tri-Geminal Neuralgia. He said I could have surgery to cut the nerve to my face, but it might not work and my face might droop. I was prescribed a variety of medicines. The most they did was dull the overwhelming pain, but they also dulled my life.

I was looking for a doctor to fix this illness, but no one could.

No one could say what caused this chronic, ill-defined illness, but I felt sure that the constant, unremitting stress of my life contributed greatly.

I had gotten to the point where all my food had to be blended and sucked down through a straw; I could not work; and, I couldn’t even talk without setting off a cascade of electrifying shocks.

With what felt like my last hope, I went to a healer – my dear Malinka -- who I had heard of. She observed me as I experienced these shocks. Over time, she taught me how to use my breath to lessen the severity of the attacks. She opened a door. But I had to walk through it and own this use of my breath as a self-healing tool.

Painful attacks would come and go based on the various stresses and pressures in my life. Slowly, I learned that by using my breath, I could lessen the attacks. I did also begin seeing an osteopathic doctor who manipulated the bones in my head to relieve the pressure on the nerve.

But please note, here, if I had only gone to see this doctor and put myself in her hands to “fix” the problem, I believe I would still be struggling with this painful issue.

The doctor and I met in the middle – she with her manipulation skills – and me with my intent to heal and my new-found ability to communicate with my body through breath.

I firmly believe that without my self-healing perspective and tools, I would still be “fighting” with and attempting to “fix” this chronic condition.

Now, I am aware of stressful situations; I do my self-healing practices daily; and, I continue to see this doctor if I get the slightest hint of a recurrence.

Self-healing doesn’t mean that you do not see doctors, professionals, therapists, teachers, or healers.

Self-healing, on the other hand, means that you elevate your highest self and speak to her with a strong sense of curiosity and agency.

You own your own healing and that makes all the difference.